For parents, there is not one infallible way to teach children self-control. The good news is there are plenty of methods that can be utilized. In the process, kids may also relinquish a lot of the pressure they put on themselves. Here is a closer look at some simple ways that can build self-control in children. 

1. Focus on the good

It is easy to critique children on their bad habits. However, practicing good habits brings positive results. So why not cultivate those good habits? Don’t just take for granted those moments when your children complete their homework, clean their room or mind their manners. Positive reinforcement of these good habits is a way to build a child’s confidence which helps immensely with their self-control. 

2. Set limits and maintain them

After a long day of work, it may be easy to overlook some elements of bad behavior among your children. But keep in mind that children are very aware when they get away with something. And if you do not correct them when they misbehave, even if it is a minor infraction, it allows them to push their limits. That could lead them to let loose of a little more self-control and try to extend the limits of what they can get away with.

3. Get in a routine

Not every day has to be an exact replica, although it is good to develop a routine. After dinner, your child may need to clean up. After that, maybe they take a bath. Then, they continue with the rest of their routine that precedes bedtime. Developing a routine builds structure and, over time, children will complete this routine without having to be told. It is a way of self-regulating their own actions. 

4. Explain why

There’s no reason you should avoid explaining why rules are intact. Younger children cannot run out in the street because it’s dangerous. Older children cannot stay up all night because their bodies need sleep. Explaining the reasoning behind such actions teaches children about consequence. And the reality of consequence is something that helps maintain self-control.  

5. Avoid procrastination and laziness

Children emulate what they see. If they see you spending all day watching tv or playing on the computer, this could lead them to believe this is the norm. That could mean they might also start procrastinating and neglecting their responsibilities. It’s easy to lounge around and do nothing instead of doing chores. If kids see parents being lazy, they will eventually follow that lead. That laziness could easily be infused in their self-control. 

6. Mind your temper

It’s normal for kids to have outburst as many are unable to regulate and even understand their emotions. Consequently, parents who show visible anger or irritation sets a poor example. If another car cuts you off, swallow your anger and refrain from shouting. If you suddenly forget that you left your work report at the office, don’t shout an expletive and curse the day. This is essentially a lapse in your own self-control and not a good example to set. 

7. Second chances

In instances when your child has lost his/her self-control, it’s a good idea to give them a chance for redemption. After calmly explaining what went wrong, give kids a second chance. Many will revel in the second opportunity while simultaneously learning a lesson. 

8. Avoid lectures

Kids who lose control in a situation are typically not the best audience for a lecture. You can succinctly explain what they did wrong without going into an elongated speech. Instructive action is a much better remedy than a long-winded speech, which is probably going to be lost on your child anyway. 

These may be some simple obvious things, but as a parent, many times we need that outside influence reminding us and supporting us to be consistent.  In fact, here is a BONUS….

9. Seek Out a Support System

 Get your Kids involved in a program  or sport that has coaches or mentors that mirror your same values and parenting style.  One of the Best places that supports parents in having their kids learn and grow stronger, is Kids Martial Arts.  Why?  Because it has the elements of both an individual sport, as well as a team sport. And it’s not just about the sport, it’s more about personal development. 


Now is the time to make a decision and put all of the above into play.  Seeing your kids struggle with frustration is not fun, and while doing some of the above is work, in the long run your kids will learn how to positively manage their doubts, fears and frustrations… Powerful ability to have for any person, young or old.