As a parent, I know that we face a multitude of challenges today that we did not see growing up. Social media, extreme bullying (especially online) and helicopter parenting., to name a few.
I also know that as a parent, I wanted to be a helicopter but I also realized that in order for my child to develop and thrive, I had to let them make mistakes and learn, just like I did.
One thing I see often is parents feeling the need to explain everything they say and do. I notice it because every time I give any kind of direction at the martial arts school, I have some child speaking up and asking me to dissect what I said. I also see it in my lobby when parents and students interact.
For example, if I ask a kid to do pushups, as a group, and they ask me why. I don’t need to explain that it’s for their physical wellbeing or that it’s a requirement to attain your black belt. I’m not asking that kid to do anything the rest of the group isn’t doing. Therefore, because I said so, seems appropriate.
When growing up, my parents had a rule, one that I decided to use with my own children, and it helped me understand how to respect and obey my parents, as it did for my children. If I ever asked if someone could spend the night, with the child standing next to me, it was an immediate “No”. Nothing dramatic, nothing shouted, just “No”.
As an adult, I fully comprehend why they did this. First, it was to not put them on the spot, so they could talk it over. Second, they hated looking like a bad guy when we already had plans and they had to say no. So, if I accidentally did it, in my excitement, I understood exactly why they did it and only one word was required.
My parents never had an issue with sleepovers (something else that is a bit scary nowadays) but they liked to be able to pick the date and plan accordingly.
I appreciate that I grew up Gen X. I appreciate that I will forever be 30, even when I was 8, 21, 30, 40 and now 53 and later when I’m 90. I appreciate that I got to explore my world in ways I can’t let my children. So, I try to make the best of it and let them have enough freedom to learn.
But I always reserve the right to say, “Because I said so” or “No. No means No”. It doesn’t make me a bad parent, just a practical one.
Go forth and know that as parents, we will make mistakes. And we will disappoint our children. But also know that we are the adults, making decisions based on the information we have at the moment. Take a breathe and know you are not alone.